I work with a horrible man called Barry. Barry is overweight, smokes and has an overgrown mustache. Yet Barry thinks he is God’s gift to women, and is sure every other male in our department likes him. He is very, very wrong on both counts. He is annoying, smelly, crude and rude. Barry won’t go away. I wish wish wish he would, but he seems impervious to my constant Barry-targeted hate emanations.
I’m smart enough to realize publicly hurting him, or setting him up to get hurt would probably just get me into trouble. So I thought I would just up the ante a bit by concentrating all my hate thoughts into a voodoo doll of Barry. Not having one handy, and not being proficient in the art of sewing, I utilized my getting-life-hack-done super powers and DIY’ed my own simple voodoo doll.
Here’s how: Just grab an apple (or any other available piece of fruit) draw the face of your tormentor upon said fruit (I added Barry’s name just so the voodoo powers would have no doubt who I meant), and slowly (and gleefully on my part I must admit) insert pins into various features of the face.
And it worked! I was willing to wait a week to see if anything came of my fruit stabbing frenzy, but I came into work this morning and there was Barry sporting the ugliest (not hard on Barry) black eye I’ve ever seen. He said he’d walked into a CD rack. And it gets better! Just after lunch I heard a female scream and people yelling things like ‘Gross!’, and ‘Oh my God I’m going to throw up!’ I didn’t get to see it thankfully, but it seems Barry had a huge slimy green slug of snot running from his nose into his mustache.
Needless to say I’ve been walking around for the rest of the day with the biggest grin on my face. The power of voodoo fruit! Now that’s a real life hack!
