I’m going to teach you how to get rid of your procrastination using just the power of your mind. It would help if you read this article as if you were listening to a meditation recording. Or even better, have your computer read out the text. Now that’s modern meditating.
I’m sure you’ve all dabbled in the black art of meditation at some point in your lives. You know, the crossed legs, upturned palms, the preparation, the closing of the eyes, the breathing, the itches you didn’t know you had till you started. Yes? Good. To begin then. Draw your pentagon on the floor, or however you get started meditating, close your eyes, do the breathing thing (you know: in, out, in, out) until your away with the meditation fairies.
Now I want you to picture a peaceful zen rock garden in front of you, complete with separated polished rocks and raked patterns in the sand. Ah, peaceful. Now this is important; picture this rock garden inside a military tank. Yes, you’re sitting inside a tank with a small rock garden in front of you. Magically, you can see through the tank. Ahead you see a lone figure sitting on a park bench. He is dressed in shorts, singlet and dirty blue slippers. He has a TV remote in one hand (stay with me on this). This is Mr Procrastination. He’s been putting things off his whole life. He can’t make time to get off the bench. He can’t get around to getting dressed. He has even put off changing the channel — his whole life. Inside your peaceful zen-tank, your peaceful wrath spills peacefully over. Now reach over to the black polished rock just in front of you (you had visualized that earlier hadn’t you) and with a peaceful inner smile, give it a gentle twist to the right.
Suddenly the zen-ometer in your zen-tank swings from peaceful to powerful. Inside your zen-tank, inside your head, all that power is building, building, crackling, building, until BOOOM!! A cluster bomb of polished rocks hurtles from your zen-tank into Mr Procrastination and blows him away. When the smoke clears, even the park bench has disappeared.
Now, inside your head, inside your zen-tank, I want you to twist that rock back to it’s starting position. I want you to lean back. Breath. In. Out. In. Out. Slowly open your eyes. Let the peaceful inner smile come back as you realize you have vanquished your Mr Procrastination to procrastination hell (where they’re getting around to installing devils any day now). And you did it all with just meditation. Peaceful, peaceful meditation. And a zen-tank.
Now that’s what I call a serious meditation!